It's how I know...

I think I have written about, or if you know me talked about the worries of becoming a dad. It wasn't the diapers, or providing...it was the emotional side of things. I knew how I wanted to be, but wasn't sure if those emotions would reveal themselves when faced with this infant that would enter this world with my genes. Well, today was another day of reassurance like many that have preceded it. Makeena is sick for the first time. It isn't ridiculously sick, just what we would call a common cold. With every little breath that seems to hint at a little more fatiguing than normal, with every sneeze, and with every cough, it makes me ache all over. I can't stand the fact that she is feeling miserable and I can do nothing about it. I have thought in my mind privately the detailed torturous things I would endure to take it from her, but I can't. Tonight it will be another night of staying up all night, because I cant sleep, I must check every minute to make sure she is breathing. So it begins, this saga of fatherhood.
It makes me think; many things are going to happen to my little girl. Some of her own choosing, and some not, that I can do nothing about. All I can do is stand my and love her. She will make choices in her life that are going to make me ache like her weezing tonight. I pray I will hold her to let her know I lover her and check on her every minute to make sure she is ok...just as I will tonight. Maybe it is too much introspective analysis on my part with me and my little girl having a cold....but this is what I think about. Her sneeze at 3 months old triggers wonders and hopes for the future.

So yes... I don't know where...and I don't know when.... but somewhere this little girl has taught me what exactly unconditional love is.