Fighting to be heard

I have been thinking a lot about something that my musical backgroud taught me. I work with some young musicians in youth worship. They remind me a lot of myself at that age (13 or 14). Being on stage they just want to be heard. They are not concerned about blending with the rest of the music that is going on. And if the ylearn something cool in the practice room, they are going to use it, whether it fits or not. Reminds me of when I first learned how to play a high A on the sax. I played it every chance I got for about six months. It didn't matter what key we were playing in, during my solo I was going to play a high A. I didn't care what the rest of the band sounded like, as long as I looked good during my solo, that is all I cared about. I would play louder than any other instruments when I didn't have a solo, I just wanted to be heard so people could identify me. It would be like the running back that rushed for 150 yards and 2 touchdowns that is happy even though his team lost. What a road of maturity to becoming a team player. I have a competitive side to me that strives for the spotlight and pressure. I want the ball in the fourth quarter, I want the big solo at the climax, I want the glory for when it succeeds and the blame when it fails. It is really a struggle sometimes to sit back and be a team player. I have never done anything in my life where I haven't taken control and become the natural leader. I am that AAAA personality. I think that is a gift that God has given me, but one that I have been trying to control. There are some things in my life where I work directly under someone. There is one person in my life that I see as a leader that I would follow anywhere. To become a team player for him is easy. 1) I believe there is no way I could ever lead better or even close to him and 2) I have faith and believe in his vision. For him, I would sit in the backstage area and control the smoke machine. No one would ever see me, and I would be the ultimate team player. There are other things that drive me crazy being a support member and not being able to lead. There is one case in particular that drives me crazy. I feel 100% sure I could do a much better job and what is taking place is inefficient and ineffective. I find myself struggling to get motivated to keep on, even knowing that it would all fall apart without me. I have matured to the point that I don't need the attention and the gratification from others. However I still need to feel good about what I do. I believe the Lord has given me such passion and ambition for a reason, now he is probably trying to teach me patience before he can use me to do his work. This has been an unorganized typing of thoughts. If you have made it this far, which I doubt, tune in to my next post which I will have my thoughts in order and my points organized. "The trial of being humble and ambitious."